Let’s Win the Lottery!

Trying to be quiet tonight.

Many years ago, my normal bedtime was 11pm or so.   I would lay down and be out cold in a matter of minutes.   Sleep, completely undisturbed.   The situation has changed radically.  No need for details.   Just gave it my all to reverse my upside down sleep schedule.  Very painful and unfulfilling attempt.

I firmly believe in entering sweepstakes, such as Publishers Clearing House and HGTV home giveaway.  My reasoning?  Some one person has to win.   Why not me?   I stand as good a chance, odds wise, as the next person.    Hell, with my luck, I think my odds are better!

You just need to participate.  You cannot win without entering.  You cannot stop this life destroying entity unless you fight.  You fight by getting up each day, or night, and participate in life.   I would not presume to claim it is easy.   I know how difficult this crap can be.    Just do not quit.  We have the right to live our lives.  No one has the right to take our lives away.  No one.

I keep writing every department/agency in this country.   Just like the sweepstakes.  You need to enter to win.

Positivity

Today, I will try something different.  Positivity.  Here we go.

Two nights ago, actually it was during the day, I had 4 straight hours of sleep.   Sleep level?  Do not know.   Do not care, I needed sleep.  Felt great!

I had to find a new method of advertising my websites so I wrote an article.  Submitted it to Ezines.com  Still waiting for article to be approved but the positive aspect was my ability to write the article.

I managed to cook up my pork chop, around 3 am, without too much screaming in my head or body bashing.  Ok.  This one is questionable.

I put nail polish on.  I do not believe I was penalized in anyway whatsoever for this flagrant display of vanity.

Have not seen my daughter and granddaughter in approximately 4 months.  They live around the corner.  The positive?  I heard her voice, from the phone, as she spoke with her brother.  She does not stay in touch on a regular basis and this was a positive.

I live in New Jersey.  Winter is damn cold in New Jersey.  Furnace broke in my house in New Jersey.   52 degree temperature, in my home, in winter, in New Jersey for 4 days was pretty awful.  Furnace is fixed.  Positivity.

I paid my taxes.  I paid my estimated taxes.  Talk about wanting to spit nails…  Cannot help but wonder, who’s salary or year end bonus I provided.

 

Keep on Fighting

Keep fighting.  Just fight.  What am I fighting for?  My sanity.  My physical & neurological well being.   Fighting to keep my head above water.   Fighting to keep my coordination keen.  Fight to have follow through original thought.  Fight to tolerate, calmly, the interior torture harming my organs.  Fight to sit at my computer and maintain my balance, my composure, keep a grip on my anger and still look forward to another day.   I fight to type through the pain inflicted upon me from government approved  experimentation.    Fight through the burn at the back of my neck, weakening my arms.  Fight through the ‘energy’ increased or decreased throughout my body dependent upon the whim of a sick son of a bitch with a dollar bottom line.

Does the US government really approve and support this torture?    I hope not.   I intend to continue writing until this very real abuse ends.

Can’t really say this is simply ‘satellite torture”.   The powers that be have the ability to damage, dehydrate & drain a human being.  Any body part or function is easily manipulated.  Who is allowed to delegate mental illness, physical disabilities or create diseases?   Who has this god like technology?   Yes, I realize many countries have this technology.  The big question, nearest and dearest to my soul:   Who is using and abusing this technology?  What government agency is investigating my allegations?  Who is trying to help me?

I fight for myself with gallons of water, healthy eating and good vitamins.   If I continue fighting, by myself, this technology will win.

Take all these words to heart.  If this can happen to me, it can happen to you and yours.  I cannot fight this alone.  I do not wish to live my life defensively.

Will forward this plea to anyone I feel might have the power to intervene.

 

 

 

 

 

Contacts for Support

Freedom From Covert Harassment and Surveillance, PO Box 9022, Cincinnati, Ohio  45209  http//www.freedomfchs.com  Founder:  Derrick Robinson  derrickrobinson@gmail.com

http://www.ohchr.org  Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights

http://www.iaacea.org  International Alliance Against Covert Electronic Abuse

http://www.endingeh.wall.fm

Real Pain

I have Epilepsy. I was diagnosed at approx. 18 months. I have been through many seizure medication trials. Desperate to live a seizure free life, I signed my name on the line. I volunteered acknowledging the side effects. I chose to participate in these medication trials. Some of these seizure medications had bad side effects. Many made me slur. Some, huge hair lose. Very unsteady gait. Quite a few made it very difficult to function, needed a babysitter for my children. During one long drawn out seizure medication trial, I had the misfortune to go through a divorce. Stress and Epilepsy do not mingle well together. More stress = more seizures. More seizure medication, less awake. Less awake = not much of a life.

My point, I chose the seizure medication trials to get my life back. I did sign on the dotted line. I knew the side effects I might experience. My choice.

My participation in this high technology harassment/torture/experimentation is not my choice. I have phoned, written & researched until I cannot see straight. My anger equals my frustration. I no longer have a choice. When and why did this happen? Who read me all the pros and cons, possible side effects, potential outcome for my participation in this ‘program’? Who signed me up?! Not my choice.

Physically and verbally abused by a son-of-a-bitch in the sky without a face or a name. My body is hurting. My heart is hurting. My inability to comprehend it’s evil existence, allowed by my own government, is staggering.

Too long involved in this hell, I worry about my health. My head has long been targeted, buzzed and rung dry. I do not think I have a body part or internal organ that has not been played with, controlled, evacuated or beaten down. I fear my Epilepsy is no longer my only physical disability. I had no choice being born with Epilepsy and I will be damned if I sit by allowing a money motivated sadistic SOB to instigate, manipulate and endanger my health with additional disabilities.

I write, and I write, and I continue to write. I write in my blog for me. Too often, overtired and hurting, I feel frozen inside. An inability to feel. So, I write down my pain. Reading my own descriptive words rips me apart. This allows me to cry and feel again. What an exhausting but necessary cycle. A cycle I did not sign up for.

Most difficult participation to understand is of my government. For the love of God, where are they? I spend endless hours writing for help, support, intervention. Our country has more security agencies overseeing security agencies than any other country in this world. Where are they and why don’t they help me? Write less and don’t piss them off? Maybe.

I have much more to say and will continue writing until I have my life back.

I am not an experiment.

I am not an experiment.   I refuse to believe I am a government contractor plaything.   I never signed on the dotted line allowing permission for a research medical facility to slam my head with experimental  ‘energy’.     I need to apologize for my inability to use the word ‘radiation’, I feel slightly safer using the term ‘energy’.  “Energy” makes me cry less.

Do government sanctioned programs exist in the US today?  I don’t know.   I do know, can testify to, someone in a power position has been playing god with my life, my body and possibly my family, for many years.  Someone has access to such high tech technology, top clearance access, to rip my insides apart, control bodily functions, manipulate thoughts and emotions, manipulate  my internal organs,  and so much more.  Want additional details?  Just ask.

I am no ones ‘work in progress’.   Who allows super computers to cultivate, nurture then destroy?    I try to live my life,  knowing all my thoughts, actions, everything my brain takes in and registers will whip around and hurt me or people I care about.   Repetition is not my friend.  Let me repeat this:  Repetition is not my friend.  Now I will scream it:  REPETITION IS NOT MY FRIEND!    The powers that be do not mince actions when I repeat actions they find offensive.  Writing for help, intervention, assistance has become very painful.

How does this abusive technology/experimentation get past government police?   What type of spin, “for the greater good?” , do they spew forth and sell?  So who is the  guilty, I mean gullible, security agency here?     Call me naive but I do not feel very secure.

What task force, government agency, politician, influential newspaper, ear of  top level government official,  high profile blogger, wall street tycoon, celebrity with a cause for the moment, do I need to contact to end this hell?  What happened to human beings that put humanity first?  I am sick to death of hearing, “you contacted the wrong department’.    Hearing back, “I am truly sorry for your problems, perhaps you should speak with a professional”.   A professional?  Don’t patronize me!   Believe it or not, that was the right agency, just a hardened-don’t give a damn-do not bother me…professional.

Here is the problem:  Nobody gives a damn!  No one wants to read my reality.   Hell, I don’t want to read or write this reality!   No one wants to know all the itemized details.  No one wants to acknowledge the existence of pure evil.

I need help.  I need this ‘program/experimentation/caught up in a nightmare” to end.  I need someone to investigate, really give a damn.  Show some compassion.    I will continue to write until all of the above has been addressed.

 

How was your Holiday?

Ouch!   And what did Santa bring to you for Christmas?  Damn, that hurts!  Did you have a wonderful family holiday?  My goddamn neck is killing me!  Was your family in a wonderful mood?  Christ, I feel so dizzy!  Did you receive all the gifts you hoped for?   My eyes really hurt!!  Was everyone on their best behavior, no over drinking etc?

I was buzzed from above, ripped apart  and thrown in different directions.  I wanted to sit on the ground, cry so hard,  but I still maintain the need, my right,  to live my life.

Don’t these people who create this pain give a damn?  Are they human beings?  Who the hell is in charge?!  Who raised these animals, in charge of such illegal activity?  What type of person preys on my fears, cultivated to produce additional hell that is unimaginable.

I love this country.  I hate the absolute need for money and power over simple humanity.  I write to congressmen, senators, each and every department for protection in the US, all influential newspapers & blogs,  this list can go on forever.

Who the hell do I need to contact to intervene and end this huge wrong doing?    Will continue to write until this self imposed judge & jury stop harming me.

I Want Me Back

Need something. Human contact. I hear too much shit V2K. I just want to interact endlessly with people. People you can talk to. People you can argue with. People make you laugh. People exist. This Satellite Harassment etc. exists too. Unfortunately, you cannot yell at this goddamn voice communicating, uninvited, in your head. You cannot reach out and rip the throats out of the responsible parties raping my mind, thoughts and emotions. I want to strike back so badly. I want all responsible parties lined up in front of me. I want to harm them as much as they have harmed me. This very thought upsets me beyond belief. Never a physically aggressive person. Verbally, it takes a great deal of aggravation to induce foul words. I never thought I could hate so big. Who’s fault is it? Mine. I allowed the SOB’s to beat me down, exhaust the hell out of me, and force me to not feel human. I am human. I have emotions, I need to feel. I resent the necessity to change my focus in life to survive intact. I want me back. I should be enjoying my children and granddaughter. I am also entitled to face these terrorist. My right to vent towards these cowards, hiding behind suits, corporations, politics and money. Dumping unmentionable garbage, indiscriminately, on human beings for Money. I have the right to know who my attackers are, and why. I need to feel like me again. I want me back.

Endless Satellite Technology Abuse

Approximately 1 week ago I was in bed trying to sleep.  I was laying on my right side.  I believe, I fell asleep.  Next thing I remember, I rolled off the bed and into my bathroom.  Happened so quickly.  The antagonist was an incredible pain through my right ear.  Normally, in my screwed up via satellite harassment etc. life, you handle the pain, usually roll over, quietly try to deal.  Very quietly try to exist.

In my bathroom, I just grabbed my right eye, extreme pain.  Radiated to or from my right ear.  This was huge pain.  Not the norm.  Ice.  I just wanted to gently place a bag of frozen peas or an ice bag over my right eye.  This was a goddamn vicious vindictive attack.   Unfortunately, I was too tired, went back to bed.  I did hear, “she would not wake up”, via V2K.

Hours later, I examined a still very painful right eye socket, with pain traveling toward the top of my right ear.   Not a pleasant surprise.   The entire outer upper quadrant of my right eye socket is swollen out and partially closed shut.  Outer edge of right eye is black and blue.  Beneath my eye, bottom right is puffed out and swollen.  Pain is still quite constant.

I am a 51 year old woman.  My eyes are very symmetrical.  I took a photo.  Bad lighting but it does not matter.  Quite visible in my photo.

Almost a week now and I needed to take another photo.   Bruising is not as obvious as the  increased swelling over my right eyelid, inner lid now, almost an over hang.   My right eye looks and feels like shit.   Photo looks awful.  Now have difficulty with vision in my right eye.  I did not when I retired to bed that night.

Someone should see these photos.  I have the right to go to bad without worry/concern with regards to over eager experimentation via satellite technology, hurting me and mine.  This is the USA!   How is this allowed?  I understand the need to make a buck.  Truly, I do.  But, when human beings are harassed, tortured,  become experimental subjects,  the buck has to stop!

One other point I need to make, then I will sign off tonight.  So many people are being harmed from abusers of same technology.  So many complaints made on peoples behalf.  Where the hell are our tax paid protection government agencies?   Why aren’t they protecting me?   How do they sit idly by, watching and knowing, yet doing nothing to stop this very real hell.

Rather be known as naive than indifferent.

Want to see the photos?   Plenty will see these photos, I promise.

Photos provided by request.

dagenbela2@aol.com

Aberdeen, NJ 07747

 

 

 

Push Button Assholes

It is 2:52 am and I need to quit work, at home, on my computer. Why? Overworked? Nope. Out of productive ideas? Not really. Bored? Never. I need to quit work because some extreme burning is not quite hitting the top of my head, more from within yet burrowing into my goddamn scalp, distracting the hell out of me. Be honest, pissing me off! Just touching the top of my head hurts like hell.

The powers that be just hit me with left ear ringing that could win a competition for sick minded individuals. In fact, they said, “don’t forget the ringing,” as it was delivered with EXACT precision. Last night I made the ‘mistake’ to fill out a Survey of Symptoms for Satellite Harassment & Torture. God only knows, and the assholes pushing the buttons, what repeat symptom I might feel in the next moment.

I need to write articles that contain original well written content. Very difficult to create when you get hit with a wave of either, “disapproval or stress testing,” that makes you dizzy and scatters your thoughts. Disapproval to get off the computer OR a private contractor/medical facility picking this moment to see how well you cope under above mentioned interference.

My very real concern, of utmost importance, is for my family. Without exaggeration, I am threatened with links. My action will create a reaction for one of my loved ones. This is the threat voiced into my skull 24/7. The true problem remains with so many forms of attack, the range is staggering, I cannot tell for certain if these threats are being carried out. Actually, I am not telling the truth due to fear of infuriating the Push Button Assholes. Too many ‘coincidences’ exist for me to sit here, typing this quick post with tears running down my face.

Hope this is interesting reading. This is my reality. One of my most pertinent fears stem from one simple question: How the hell can anyone maintain control over such dangerous technology? Everyone should be worried. Goodnight Push Button Assholes. Do not DARE to harm a hair on any of my loved ones. Karma is a bitch.